Robert Smalls Haiku

See his smiling face! Of course he's happy enslaved! ... Shit, he stole our boat. History is so full of badass escapes from slavery that it's hard to pick the most badass, but Robert Smalls' escape has to be in the running. Why? Let Lonely Island give you a hint. Smalls was born in South … Continue reading Robert Smalls Haiku

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The Attempted Assassination of William Seward

Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward

Rose Greenhow Haiku

"Wow! Can't believe it! Totes p0wned abolitionist! Then everyone clapped." Once upon a time, I did whole week chronicling punchable faces in history. But of course, there are other historical faces in need of punching, so let's revisit that today! Rose O'Neal Greenhow was born in 1813ish in Maryland, the third of five daughters. Her … Continue reading Rose Greenhow Haiku

Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku

Smile, belle of South! Time will come when you'll help to Kick Hitler in teeth. Sometimes, when researching another subject for a haiku, you stumble upon an equally deserving badass. Such was the case with General Longstreet, as that led me to learn about his second wife, Helen Dortch. Dortch was born in Carnesville, Georgia … Continue reading Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku

James Longstreet Haiku

General ponders - "Slaves people? Lee fallible?" Southerners enraged. During the controversies over statues of Confederate generals, I couldn't help but be reminded of General James Longstreet. Why, you might ask? I'll explain. Longstreet was born in South Carolina in 1821. 'Longstreet' was actually an anglicized version of 'Langestraet', his ancestor having immigrated to New … Continue reading James Longstreet Haiku