To shut the fuck up And stay out of clink is for Losers like Shakespeare. It's Sunday and I declare it to be Playwright Week. I'll start with Ben Jonson, of whom we know a lot more about than his rival Shakespeare. Why? Because Ben Jonson liked to start shit. Jonson was born in 1572. … Continue reading Ben Jonson Haiku
History forgives All sorts of bullshit if it's Romaaaaantic enough. It's the final day of Mothers of Kings Week. We've also established that Saturday is my 'fuck everything I do what I want' day. As such, I'm going to go on an expletive-filled rant about Mary Queen of Scots, mother of James I and a … Continue reading Mary Queen of Scots Haiku
Like a fat basset Begging for tum rub, so tipped King Henry's pride. The English warship Mary Rose sank 473 years ago today, in the middle of battling the French while Henry VIII watched. But it wasn't sunk by French cannons. Or English cannons. What? The Mary Rose was a carrack launched in 1511, as … Continue reading The Sinking of the Mary Rose Haiku
On her sweet sixteen, Would she get ahead in life? Poor girl. Lucky crows. On this day, 465 years ago, Lady Jane Grey was proclaimed Queen of England. Unfortunately for her, she's not known as the Nine Days' Queen for nothing. Her great uncle, Henry VIII, made the succession a bit of a muddle, what … Continue reading Lady Jane Grey Haiku
Poorly-aging king Whines that Tinder pic misleads Someone's head will roll Anne of Cleves, fourth wife of Henry VIII, is best known for being dumped by a king who (although being handsome in his youth) was in no position to be judging anyone for their looks at his stage in life. Why was he even … Continue reading Anne of Cleves Haiku
"If I have to be A teenage mother, son of A bitch will be king." Margaret Beaufort was born 575 years ago today. She gave birth to her son, Henry Tudor (the future Henry VII) at age 13, which was NOT the usual thing in those days, because even then, they knew that the younger … Continue reading Margaret Beaufort Haiku
Kids, heed this warning, Before you run to London - Write plays, you get shanked. The playwright Christopher Marlowe was killed in a bar 425 years ago today, in the finest theatrical tradition. Was it because of secret spy business? Or because of a fight over the bill? Who can say for sure? If you … Continue reading Christopher Marlowe Haiku
