Like perv Rasputin Is going to stay to get shanked If there's no hot dames. Vera Karalli, Russian ballerina, silent film actress, dance instructor, and probable co-conspirator in Rasputin's assassination, was born 129 years ago today. In those dramatic years before the Russian Revolution, she starred in a whopping sixteen silent films, including the very … Continue reading Vera Karalli Haiku
Tag: this day in history
Mary Frith Haiku
Let the ladies smoke, Then they'll be thieving, pimping, Dressing as dudes. Gaze upon this picture and you'll be gazing in the face of a woman who gave no damns. Mary Frith, also known as Moll Cutpurse, died 359 years ago today. Born in 1584, it wasn't long before she started being indicted for swiping … Continue reading Mary Frith Haiku
Henri II Haiku
Youth weep from splinters, Kings weep from infected lance Wounds in royal brains. Henri II of France was crowned 471 years ago today, after syphilis took his dear old dad. Before he became king, young Henri had to spend four years in Spain as a Hapsburg hostage in place of pops. At the age of … Continue reading Henri II Haiku
Cassius Clay Haiku
Stop bad man with gun With good man slicing him in Goddamn eyes with knife. Well, good-ish. Cassius Clay (no, not Muhammed Ali) died 115 years ago today. He was an odd duck. Born to a slaveholding plantation family in 1810, he became an abolitionist in 1832 while attending Yale. And not a paper one … Continue reading Cassius Clay Haiku
Leopold I Haiku
"Albert, my nephew, Listen! To seduce a queen, Flash her some sweet leg." Leopold of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld was crowned the very first King of Belgium 187 years ago today. In the other timeline, he was the King, or probably Prince Consort, of England. He was born in 1790 in one of the many German duchies that … Continue reading Leopold I Haiku
The Sinking of the Mary Rose Haiku
Like a fat basset Begging for tum rub, so tipped King Henry's pride. The English warship Mary Rose sank 473 years ago today, in the middle of battling the French while Henry VIII watched. But it wasn't sunk by French cannons. Or English cannons. What? The Mary Rose was a carrack launched in 1511, as … Continue reading The Sinking of the Mary Rose Haiku
Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna Haiku
Rules for happy life - Do not wed a Romanov, Don't stand near mine shafts. Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna was killed a hundred years ago today, a day after her little sister, Empress Alexandra, was shot up in an Ekaterinaburg cellar with husband, children, servants, and dog. Somehow, Elizabeth's end managed to be even worse. … Continue reading Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna Haiku
Catherine the Great Haiku
Play with toy soldiers, Dear husband. With the flesh ones, I'll depose your ass. Peter III of Russia died under extremely shifty circumstances 256 years ago today, after being overthrown by his fed up German wife. (You might know her better as Catherine the Great.) They'd been married for 16 years by that point and … Continue reading Catherine the Great Haiku
Charlotte Corday Haiku
Don't stab fanatics, Ladies, lest you're guillotined, Called 'mannish', 'ugly.' Charlotte Corday stabbed Jean-Paul Marat 225 ago, making for the least relaxing bath ever. It was 1793. The French Revolution was in full swing and the radical Jacobin faction was in control. An important part of the Jacobin platform was 'let's kill everyone who disagrees … Continue reading Charlotte Corday Haiku
Lady Jane Grey Haiku
On her sweet sixteen, Would she get ahead in life? Poor girl. Lucky crows. On this day, 465 years ago, Lady Jane Grey was proclaimed Queen of England. Unfortunately for her, she's not known as the Nine Days' Queen for nothing. Her great uncle, Henry VIII, made the succession a bit of a muddle, what … Continue reading Lady Jane Grey Haiku
Kelsey Ehler, AKA The Great Kelsini 