Scandalous woman! Seducing kings to the left, Dancing sans drawers! Welcome again to Ehler's Choice Week, where I do what my family says for once in my life. Today, we have Lola Montez, an Irish courtesan, dancer, and actress - and also a possible inspiration for Irene Adler, one of the women acknowledged by Sherlock … Continue reading Lola Montez Haiku
Tag: royal mistress
Madame de Maintenon Haiku
Snag the Sun King's heart By being only one who's Allowed to talk back. (Sorry for the lack of haiku yesterday. I've caught a cold, again. Pro tip: don't be a teacher if you don't like germs.) Maybe today's entry for French Queens Week is a controversial pick, being more than a mistress but not … Continue reading Madame de Maintenon Haiku
Hortense Mancini Haiku
Could have been a queen, Wound up with a maniac. Thanks a lot, uncle. Theoretically, this should be a 'screw it' day, but I can't possibly let Royal Mistress Week end without one of Charles II's many ladies. Thus, representing the Stuart era, we have Hortense Mancini! Hortense was born in Rome in 1646, with … Continue reading Hortense Mancini Haiku
Jane Shore Haiku
So charming and gay, Only right royal Dick could Not stand against her. (And by 'stand', I mean 'erection'.) Today on Royal Mistress Week, we've got Jane Shore, the most famous of Edward IV's many, many, many mistresses. (Actually, her name was Elizabeth, but people just forgot her given name for several decades, during which … Continue reading Jane Shore Haiku
Maria Fitzherbert
His love is deathless, Save in face of debt mountains, His own dickishness. Delayed though it is, here is Thursday's installment of Royal Mistress Week. Friday's will come this evening, by Taiwan reckoning. It is a truth universally acknowledged that George IV was the worst - and yes, Jane Austen would have agreed 100% with … Continue reading Maria Fitzherbert
Grace Elliott
In battle of wits, Courtesan narrowly bests Madame Guillotine. Today on Royal Mistress Week, what do we have here? Oh! It's a bona-fide badass! Like the Scarlet Pimpernel sort of badass, with breasts and terrible taste in men. Grace Elliott was born in Scotland around 1754, and was brought up by her grandparents and then … Continue reading Grace Elliott
Rosamund Clifford Haiku
If you had virtue, You wouldn't attract the king's Attention, you whore. Rosamund Clifford, mistress of Henry II (father of Richard and John, he of 'who will rid me of this turbulent priest' fame), is the subject of today's installment of Royal Mistress Week. I do not believe she got a fair shake in life, … Continue reading Rosamund Clifford Haiku
Jennie Jerome Haiku
Fair Britain, beware! American women come To charm trousers off. Today on Royal Mistress Week, we have the fabulous and scandalous Jennie Jerome, mother of Winston Churchill. (Poor Winnie inherited his good looks from his father.) Jennie was born in Brooklyn in 1854, the middle of three daughters and a descendent of one of George … Continue reading Jennie Jerome Haiku
Henrietta Howard Haiku
King should have mistress But has wife he loves. The fix? Play cards all night long. A new week, a new theme. So I dub this Royal Mistress Week. (English / British this time around. Those for other monarchies deserve their own weeks.) To kick it off, we have Henrietta Howard, who was a bit … Continue reading Henrietta Howard Haiku
Nell Gwynn Haiku
World will call you 'whore', But quick wit and stage presence Will make term neutral. Welcome back to Actor Week! We're continuing with everyone's favorite royal mistress, Nell Gwynn. Born in 1650 in London, the details of her early life are decidedly nebulous. Her mother, Ellen, was probably a brothel owner and the identity of … Continue reading Nell Gwynn Haiku
Kelsey Ehler, AKA The Great Kelsini 