Tag: Canada

Canadian Election 2019 Prediction

As all Canadians are aware and no one else, an election is nigh! Hide your children, hide your spouse! (Unless they are sensible, educated voters.) My nation, be thankful, for I will tell you exactly how it will go. On October 21st, the polite, maple-scented masses will head off to their voting stations, as dictated … Continue reading Canadian Election 2019 Prediction →

Britain Gifts ‘Definitely Not Haunted’ Franklin Expedition Ships to Canada, Inuit

Britain has officially gifted the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror, the recently rediscovered ships lost during the Franklin Expedition of 1845, to Canada and the Inuit, stating they were 'definitely not haunted' and there was 'absolutely nothing to worry about.' Said Susan le Jeune d’Allegeershecque, the British High Commissioner to Canada, during the ceremony at … Continue reading Britain Gifts ‘Definitely Not Haunted’ Franklin Expedition Ships to Canada, Inuit →

Tim Hortons Revises Policies in Light of Declining Popularity

Tim Hortons, the formerly beloved Canadian coffee and doughnut chain, is revising its policies in light of its declining popularity across the country. "We're putting into effect a lot of changes that I think Canadians are really going to like," said Tim Hortons representative Ted Townshend. "Number one on the list? No more scorpions." Townshend … Continue reading Tim Hortons Revises Policies in Light of Declining Popularity →