A draft of this uploaded before. This was a glitch. It was not meant to happen. Enjoy the completed post. Is it Prussian Court Or pit of hissing vipers? Same thing. Run, Vicky! Victoria, Princess Royal, and Empress of Germany for a hot second, could have averted some bad shit that happened in the 20th … Continue reading Victoria, Princess Royal
Tag: British royal family
Mary Tudor Haiku
When made to marry Gross old king, reserve next pick, Create paper trail. Welcome to French Queens Week, because we have barely struck the gold mine of drama that is the French nobility. Although today's bit of drama is actually brought to you, once again, by the Tudors. And this particular Tudor was only queen … Continue reading Mary Tudor Haiku
George IV Haiku
King so terrible, Nation looked to teenage girls To overcome shame. In compliance with my current need to swear and rant at great length, I hereby declare this Punchable Faces Week. First on the list is George IV, who was just an awful prick and a walking argument against the Divine Right of Kings. George … Continue reading George IV Haiku
Jennie Jerome Haiku
Fair Britain, beware! American women come To charm trousers off. Today on Royal Mistress Week, we have the fabulous and scandalous Jennie Jerome, mother of Winston Churchill. (Poor Winnie inherited his good looks from his father.) Jennie was born in Brooklyn in 1854, the middle of three daughters and a descendent of one of George … Continue reading Jennie Jerome Haiku
Henrietta Howard Haiku
King should have mistress But has wife he loves. The fix? Play cards all night long. A new week, a new theme. So I dub this Royal Mistress Week. (English / British this time around. Those for other monarchies deserve their own weeks.) To kick it off, we have Henrietta Howard, who was a bit … Continue reading Henrietta Howard Haiku
Mary, Princess Royal Haiku
Divine right of kings Apparently manifests In death by smallpox. Today's installment of Mother of Kings Week focuses on Mary, Princess Royal and Princess of Orange. She was the daughter of Charles I (famous for getting his head chopped off) and the mother of William III (famous for kicking her brother James II out of … Continue reading Mary, Princess Royal Haiku
Augusta of Saxe-Gotha Haiku
The correct widow Should not carry legacy Of husband's jerk mind. Today on Mothers of Kings Week, we'll talk about Augusta of Saxe-Gotha, mother of George III. Augusta was born in Gotha in 1719. At age 16, she married Frederick, Prince of Wales, son of George II. Freddy went along with this because he'd get … Continue reading Augusta of Saxe-Gotha Haiku
Sophia of Hanover Haiku
Britain in crisis! Papists as heirs! King Will's fix - A German granny. I declare this to be Mothers of Kings Week! We'll cover women who birthed monarchs of England and Britain without being queens of same. We'll start with Sophia, Electress of Hanover (1630-1714), who came very close to succeeding to the throne in … Continue reading Sophia of Hanover Haiku
Victoria, Duchess of Kent Haiku
My sweet little girl Won't so much as shit in peace Until she is queen The grown woman you see here is Victoria, Duchess of Kent and Strathearn. The adorable poppet is the future Queen Victoria, blissfully unaware of the infuriating eighteen years she's in for. How frustrating? Having to sleep in the same damned … Continue reading Victoria, Duchess of Kent Haiku
Elizabeth II Haiku
Look at this slacker. Sixty-three years as queen, still Hasn't conquered France. Elizabeth II's coronation was 63 years ago today, and like every English and British monarch since Henry V, has failed to do that ONE JOB. Ol' Hal is probably rolling in his grave. If you liked the haiku, or would like to request … Continue reading Elizabeth II Haiku
Kelsey Ehler, AKA The Great Kelsini 