Abigail Adams Haiku

Voted 'First Lady Least Likely to Put Up With Your Anti-Vax Shit.' Once upon a time, there was a disease called 'smallpox.' This smallpox was a son of a bitch, with a 30% mortality rate. And if you survived it? There was a pretty danged good chance you'd be scarred terribly as a permanent reminder … Continue reading Abigail Adams Haiku

The Attempted Assassination of William Seward

Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward

Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart

This is prompted by a biography of actress Laura Keene I had to give up on midway through for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that if it had an editor, they didn't do their damned job. This lead to such sentences as, "She literally claimed their hearts..." April 15, 1965, WASHINGTON … Continue reading Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart

Rose Greenhow Haiku

"Wow! Can't believe it! Totes p0wned abolitionist! Then everyone clapped." Once upon a time, I did whole week chronicling punchable faces in history. But of course, there are other historical faces in need of punching, so let's revisit that today! Rose O'Neal Greenhow was born in 1813ish in Maryland, the third of five daughters. Her … Continue reading Rose Greenhow Haiku

Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku

Smile, belle of South! Time will come when you'll help to Kick Hitler in teeth. Sometimes, when researching another subject for a haiku, you stumble upon an equally deserving badass. Such was the case with General Longstreet, as that led me to learn about his second wife, Helen Dortch. Dortch was born in Carnesville, Georgia … Continue reading Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku

British North America Haiku

Oh, hey, USA. Freedom sounds really great, but... It's not us, it's you. You might recall that thirteen British North American colonies declared their independence from Great Britain in 1776. If you can count, you'll know that the number of colonies they held on the continent was a little more than that. Why didn't they … Continue reading British North America Haiku