Photo by Chris F on Pexels.com Many presidents and presidential candidates are judged on whether it'd be nice to have a beer with them. This is a shallow and worthless metric. The real question is: "Who do I want by my side in a bar fight?" I've considered the matter thoroughly and I have my … Continue reading Kelsey and Five Presidents Walk Into a Bar
Tag: Abraham Lincoln
I Return! 100-Word Short Stories!
You thought I was dead. You were wrong. Here are three 100-word short stories, prompts provided by readers on Facebook. I'm doing this again tomorrow, so feel free to lob me a prompt by 11 PM Taipei Standard Time. And if you like what I do, throw me a tip via PayPal. The ultrasound had … Continue reading I Return! 100-Word Short Stories!
Election 2020 Predictions
It's only 21 months until the 2020 US Presidential Election, and as we know, politics are ever stagnant and unchanging. Therefore, I can predict the outcome of the DNC primaries and the election itself with an accuracy that is unmatched. Abraham Lincoln will rise from the dead, come out of nowhere, and snag the nomination … Continue reading Election 2020 Predictions
Boston Corbett Haiku
Ladies of the nightWink and arouse your manhood?Best chop off your balls.Let me introduce you to the man who shot the man who shot Abraham Lincoln, folks.Thomas H Corbett was born in London in 1832, later moving to New York at the tender age of eight. Unfortunately, he went with the profession of 'hatter', which... … Continue reading Boston Corbett Haiku
The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart
This is prompted by a biography of actress Laura Keene I had to give up on midway through for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that if it had an editor, they didn't do their damned job. This lead to such sentences as, "She literally claimed their hearts..." April 15, 1965, WASHINGTON … Continue reading Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart
Laura Keene Haiku
Financial advice That's worked but once: "Husband gone? Consider acting." Nuts to it all; I'm declaring this Actor Week. The subject of our second installment is Laura Keene, who also had a connection to Lincoln's bad night out. Mary Frances Moss was born in England in 1826. She married young, to Wellington's nephew, and they … Continue reading Laura Keene Haiku
Edwin Booth Haiku
Family - can't live With 'em, can't crawl in hole when They shoot President. Poor Edwin Booth. Tried so hard to get past his shit childhood, hone his acting skills, and become the greatest Shakespearean actor of his generation, only to have his efforts thrown in an outhouse when his little prick of a brother … Continue reading Edwin Booth Haiku
Cassius Clay Haiku
Stop bad man with gun With good man slicing him in Goddamn eyes with knife. Well, good-ish. Cassius Clay (no, not Muhammed Ali) died 115 years ago today. He was an odd duck. Born to a slaveholding plantation family in 1810, he became an abolitionist in 1832 while attending Yale. And not a paper one … Continue reading Cassius Clay Haiku
Abraham Lincoln Haiku
Great fears of Old South - Illinois country bumpkin, Free blacks existing Today is the 158th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's winning of the Republican presidential nomination. A lot of people were like, "Who is Abraham Lincoln?" Some asked, "What is Abraham Lincoln?" Other, wiser folk asked, "Why is Abraham Lincoln?" It is really quite amazing … Continue reading Abraham Lincoln Haiku
Kelsey Ehler, AKA The Great Kelsini 