It's only 21 months until the 2020 US Presidential Election, and as we know, politics are ever stagnant and unchanging. Therefore, I can predict the outcome of the DNC primaries and the election itself with an accuracy that is unmatched. Abraham Lincoln will rise from the dead, come out of nowhere, and snag the nomination … Continue reading Election 2020 Predictions
Ladies of the nightWink and arouse your manhood?Best chop off your balls.Let me introduce you to the man who shot the man who shot Abraham Lincoln, folks.Thomas H Corbett was born in London in 1832, later moving to New York at the tender age of eight. Unfortunately, he went with the profession of 'hatter', which... … Continue reading Boston Corbett Haiku
Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
This is prompted by a biography of actress Laura Keene I had to give up on midway through for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that if it had an editor, they didn't do their damned job. This lead to such sentences as, "She literally claimed their hearts..." April 15, 1965, WASHINGTON … Continue reading Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart
Financial advice That's worked but once: "Husband gone? Consider acting." Nuts to it all; I'm declaring this Actor Week. The subject of our second installment is Laura Keene, who also had a connection to Lincoln's bad night out. Mary Frances Moss was born in England in 1826. She married young, to Wellington's nephew, and they … Continue reading Laura Keene Haiku
Family - can't live With 'em, can't crawl in hole when They shoot President. Poor Edwin Booth. Tried so hard to get past his shit childhood, hone his acting skills, and become the greatest Shakespearean actor of his generation, only to have his efforts thrown in an outhouse when his little prick of a brother … Continue reading Edwin Booth Haiku
Stop bad man with gun With good man slicing him in Goddamn eyes with knife. Well, good-ish. Cassius Clay (no, not Muhammed Ali) died 115 years ago today. He was an odd duck. Born to a slaveholding plantation family in 1810, he became an abolitionist in 1832 while attending Yale. And not a paper one … Continue reading Cassius Clay Haiku
