Paris, London, Wherever - Lucasta V--, the sole emotional support of her aging father figure, has found herself longing for a personality in the small hours of the night. "It is true, I am blonde and virginal and am embroiled in an improbable yet proper romance, and that should be enough," said Lucasta, twirling a … Continue reading 19th Century Novel Heroine Longs For Personality
Abigail Adams Haiku
Voted 'First Lady Least Likely to Put Up With Your Anti-Vax Shit.' Once upon a time, there was a disease called 'smallpox.' This smallpox was a son of a bitch, with a 30% mortality rate. And if you survived it? There was a pretty danged good chance you'd be scarred terribly as a permanent reminder … Continue reading Abigail Adams Haiku
Election 2020 Predictions
It's only 21 months until the 2020 US Presidential Election, and as we know, politics are ever stagnant and unchanging. Therefore, I can predict the outcome of the DNC primaries and the election itself with an accuracy that is unmatched. Abraham Lincoln will rise from the dead, come out of nowhere, and snag the nomination … Continue reading Election 2020 Predictions
Blanche Monnier Haiku
Shame of poor marriage? Or shame of starving daughter, Jailing her? Tough one. I don't normally do trigger warnings, but this post warrants one. Also, do not do an image search for Blanche Monnier unless you're keen for nightmare fuel. Once upon a time, in Poitiers, France in 1876, there lived a beautiful debutante (although … Continue reading Blanche Monnier Haiku
I Return to the Gym
It has not been easy for me this past while. (Many have it worse.) I enjoy the job I've had since September, but the schedule change and the arrival of my beloved dog caused me to let essential tasks fall by the wayside. One of these? Regular exercise. During my time in Taiwan, I've almost … Continue reading I Return to the Gym
Robert Smalls Haiku
See his smiling face! Of course he's happy enslaved! ... Shit, he stole our boat. History is so full of badass escapes from slavery that it's hard to pick the most badass, but Robert Smalls' escape has to be in the running. Why? Let Lonely Island give you a hint. Smalls was born in South … Continue reading Robert Smalls Haiku
More Excellent Advice For Sleepless Mothers From a Childless Woman
It has been so very long since I've graced you lovely spawners of the next generation with my peerless advice. Please accept my apologies. I know every single thing I suggested must have worked flawlessly, but time has passed. Your babe has matured. New strategies are in order to outsmart them. Time to take it … Continue reading More Excellent Advice For Sleepless Mothers From a Childless Woman
Boston Corbett Haiku
Ladies of the nightWink and arouse your manhood?Best chop off your balls.Let me introduce you to the man who shot the man who shot Abraham Lincoln, folks.Thomas H Corbett was born in London in 1832, later moving to New York at the tender age of eight. Unfortunately, he went with the profession of 'hatter', which... … Continue reading Boston Corbett Haiku
The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Five Prime Ministers, Five Years Haiku
Old? Popular? Great! But maybe have an heir in Mind when you drop dead. One of the benefits of the Westminster system of government is that it can survive five heads of government in five years more or less intact. The downside is that it makes such scenarios much more possible. Such was the case … Continue reading Five Prime Ministers, Five Years Haiku
