French trees bear such fruit - Sweet to see, will judo-chop You in goddamned neck. This post is written in the honour of my Piper and Jason's newest addition to their family, who shares the same birthday as today's subject. May she prove as badass. As we all should know by now, World War II … Continue reading Nancy Wake Haiku
Category: Poetry
Abigail Adams Haiku
Voted 'First Lady Least Likely to Put Up With Your Anti-Vax Shit.' Once upon a time, there was a disease called 'smallpox.' This smallpox was a son of a bitch, with a 30% mortality rate. And if you survived it? There was a pretty danged good chance you'd be scarred terribly as a permanent reminder … Continue reading Abigail Adams Haiku
Blanche Monnier Haiku
Shame of poor marriage? Or shame of starving daughter, Jailing her? Tough one. I don't normally do trigger warnings, but this post warrants one. Also, do not do an image search for Blanche Monnier unless you're keen for nightmare fuel. Once upon a time, in Poitiers, France in 1876, there lived a beautiful debutante (although … Continue reading Blanche Monnier Haiku
Robert Smalls Haiku
See his smiling face! Of course he's happy enslaved! ... Shit, he stole our boat. History is so full of badass escapes from slavery that it's hard to pick the most badass, but Robert Smalls' escape has to be in the running. Why? Let Lonely Island give you a hint. Smalls was born in South … Continue reading Robert Smalls Haiku
Boston Corbett Haiku
Ladies of the nightWink and arouse your manhood?Best chop off your balls.Let me introduce you to the man who shot the man who shot Abraham Lincoln, folks.Thomas H Corbett was born in London in 1832, later moving to New York at the tender age of eight. Unfortunately, he went with the profession of 'hatter', which... … Continue reading Boston Corbett Haiku
The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Five Prime Ministers, Five Years Haiku
Old? Popular? Great! But maybe have an heir in Mind when you drop dead. One of the benefits of the Westminster system of government is that it can survive five heads of government in five years more or less intact. The downside is that it makes such scenarios much more possible. Such was the case … Continue reading Five Prime Ministers, Five Years Haiku
Mona Parsons Haiku
Pros of nun schooling - Skills to stay so cool before Nazi judge, death stalled. You might have inferred from my post about my dear Grandpa Ivan that beneath the plaid exterior of the Nova Scotian man potentially lies the heart of a badass. Turns out, that applies to the women too. Mona Louise Parsons … Continue reading Mona Parsons Haiku
Poor Me Haiku
Brain fuzzed with sickness, Temper frayed by punk students. At least I've sleep? Pah. I haven't any cheese, so I'll keep the whine short. I've been sick with a bad cold lately, and while I'm mostly better, there's that residual cotton ball feeling in my skull that dulls my thinking. Also, sleep's been elusive, I … Continue reading Poor Me Haiku
Sweating Sickness Haiku
You think you're hot shit? Too bad weird mystery plagues Don't give a sweet damn. I've been sick as a dog lately. I've been miserable as fuck. Be that as it may, my knowledge of history has helped me acknowledge that welp, it could be worse. For example, I don't have to worry about a … Continue reading Sweating Sickness Haiku
