French trees bear such fruit - Sweet to see, will judo-chop You in goddamned neck. This post is written in the honour of my Piper and Jason's newest addition to their family, who shares the same birthday as today's subject. May she prove as badass. As we all should know by now, World War II … Continue reading Nancy Wake Haiku
Category: Non-fiction
Canadian Election 2019 Prediction
As all Canadians are aware and no one else, an election is nigh! Hide your children, hide your spouse! (Unless they are sensible, educated voters.) My nation, be thankful, for I will tell you exactly how it will go. On October 21st, the polite, maple-scented masses will head off to their voting stations, as dictated … Continue reading Canadian Election 2019 Prediction
Abigail Adams Haiku
Voted 'First Lady Least Likely to Put Up With Your Anti-Vax Shit.' Once upon a time, there was a disease called 'smallpox.' This smallpox was a son of a bitch, with a 30% mortality rate. And if you survived it? There was a pretty danged good chance you'd be scarred terribly as a permanent reminder … Continue reading Abigail Adams Haiku
Blanche Monnier Haiku
Shame of poor marriage? Or shame of starving daughter, Jailing her? Tough one. I don't normally do trigger warnings, but this post warrants one. Also, do not do an image search for Blanche Monnier unless you're keen for nightmare fuel. Once upon a time, in Poitiers, France in 1876, there lived a beautiful debutante (although … Continue reading Blanche Monnier Haiku
I Return to the Gym
It has not been easy for me this past while. (Many have it worse.) I enjoy the job I've had since September, but the schedule change and the arrival of my beloved dog caused me to let essential tasks fall by the wayside. One of these? Regular exercise. During my time in Taiwan, I've almost … Continue reading I Return to the Gym
Robert Smalls Haiku
See his smiling face! Of course he's happy enslaved! ... Shit, he stole our boat. History is so full of badass escapes from slavery that it's hard to pick the most badass, but Robert Smalls' escape has to be in the running. Why? Let Lonely Island give you a hint. Smalls was born in South … Continue reading Robert Smalls Haiku
Boston Corbett Haiku
Ladies of the nightWink and arouse your manhood?Best chop off your balls.Let me introduce you to the man who shot the man who shot Abraham Lincoln, folks.Thomas H Corbett was born in London in 1832, later moving to New York at the tender age of eight. Unfortunately, he went with the profession of 'hatter', which... … Continue reading Boston Corbett Haiku
The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Bones crushed by horses, Stabbed in face by actor's goon, Still not president. It is often forgotten that Mr Lincoln's unfortunate interaction with John Wilkes Booth was not the only shit going down on April 14, 1865. Particularly, that one of Booth's cronies had a go at Secretary of State William Seward. (Another goon was … Continue reading The Attempted Assassination of William Seward
Five Prime Ministers, Five Years Haiku
Old? Popular? Great! But maybe have an heir in Mind when you drop dead. One of the benefits of the Westminster system of government is that it can survive five heads of government in five years more or less intact. The downside is that it makes such scenarios much more possible. Such was the case … Continue reading Five Prime Ministers, Five Years Haiku
Mona Parsons Haiku
Pros of nun schooling - Skills to stay so cool before Nazi judge, death stalled. You might have inferred from my post about my dear Grandpa Ivan that beneath the plaid exterior of the Nova Scotian man potentially lies the heart of a badass. Turns out, that applies to the women too. Mona Louise Parsons … Continue reading Mona Parsons Haiku
