Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart

This is prompted by a biography of actress Laura Keene I had to give up on midway through for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that if it had an editor, they didn't do their damned job. This lead to such sentences as, "She literally claimed their hearts..." April 15, 1965, WASHINGTON … Continue reading Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart

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The Childless Woman’s Advice to Sleepless Mothers

As someone who is in her mid-thirties and has friends, I know a fair number of ladies who have spawned over the past couple of years. I also know a fair number of ladies who have suffered from sleep deprivation, but I repeat myself. Breathe easy. I'm here to help. Through years of research, subjected … Continue reading The Childless Woman’s Advice to Sleepless Mothers

BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math

1493, EUROPE - Christopher Columbus, the Portuguese sailor employed by Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain, has discovered a new continent west of Europe expecting to find India. He has also proved what philosophers have known for centuries - boy brains are just not built for math. Said a representative of John II of Portugal, "We've … Continue reading BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math

Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit

This is related to this week's haiku theme, but also to current events. I apologize for it being so on the nose. But the Kavanaugh thing got my dander up and after reading about Marie Antoinette's execution, my dander rose further. Haiku coming later. October 16, 1793, PARIS - The trial of the Widow Capet, … Continue reading Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit

Special Report: Wannabe Writer Begs For Cash

TAIPEI, TAIWAN - Kelsey Ehler, an ESL teacher and wannabe writer, is begging for cash through social media channels. Said Ehler, "I'm starting my new job soon, but it's going to be another month before I see my first paycheck. I tallied up my money, annnnd..." She took a deep breath and continued. "Yeah. Yeah. … Continue reading Special Report: Wannabe Writer Begs For Cash

Financial Tips for Entitled Millenial Snowflakes

Photo by George HH As is famously known and universally acknowledged, today's working youth - the so-called 'Millennials' - are a lazy, shiftless bunch more concerned with their precious fee-fees and getting their next hit of avocado toast than putting in a hard day's work. As such, many Millennials are experiencing what they call economic … Continue reading Financial Tips for Entitled Millenial Snowflakes

Report: Small Town Boring As Shit

USDA photo by Scott Bauer In defiance of expectations that small towns should be hotbeds of excitement, sources report that Grand Prairie, BC is in actuality, 'boring as shit.' The report continues that there is no sexy drama simmering just underneath the surface. "How can there be?" said a woman who asked to remain anonymous, … Continue reading Report: Small Town Boring As Shit