As all Canadians are aware and no one else, an election is nigh! Hide your children, hide your spouse! (Unless they are sensible, educated voters.) My nation, be thankful, for I will tell you exactly how it will go. On October 21st, the polite, maple-scented masses will head off to their voting stations, as dictated … Continue reading Canadian Election 2019 Prediction
Category: Fake News
19th Century Novel Heroine Longs For Personality
Paris, London, Wherever - Lucasta V--, the sole emotional support of her aging father figure, has found herself longing for a personality in the small hours of the night. "It is true, I am blonde and virginal and am embroiled in an improbable yet proper romance, and that should be enough," said Lucasta, twirling a … Continue reading 19th Century Novel Heroine Longs For Personality
Election 2020 Predictions
It's only 21 months until the 2020 US Presidential Election, and as we know, politics are ever stagnant and unchanging. Therefore, I can predict the outcome of the DNC primaries and the election itself with an accuracy that is unmatched. Abraham Lincoln will rise from the dead, come out of nowhere, and snag the nomination … Continue reading Election 2020 Predictions
More Excellent Advice For Sleepless Mothers From a Childless Woman
It has been so very long since I've graced you lovely spawners of the next generation with my peerless advice. Please accept my apologies. I know every single thing I suggested must have worked flawlessly, but time has passed. Your babe has matured. New strategies are in order to outsmart them. Time to take it … Continue reading More Excellent Advice For Sleepless Mothers From a Childless Woman
Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart
This is prompted by a biography of actress Laura Keene I had to give up on midway through for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that if it had an editor, they didn't do their damned job. This lead to such sentences as, "She literally claimed their hearts..." April 15, 1965, WASHINGTON … Continue reading Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart
The Childless Woman’s Advice to Sleepless Mothers
As someone who is in her mid-thirties and has friends, I know a fair number of ladies who have spawned over the past couple of years. I also know a fair number of ladies who have suffered from sleep deprivation, but I repeat myself. Breathe easy. I'm here to help. Through years of research, subjected … Continue reading The Childless Woman’s Advice to Sleepless Mothers
BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math
1493, EUROPE - Christopher Columbus, the Portuguese sailor employed by Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain, has discovered a new continent west of Europe expecting to find India. He has also proved what philosophers have known for centuries - boy brains are just not built for math. Said a representative of John II of Portugal, "We've … Continue reading BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math
Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit
This is related to this week's haiku theme, but also to current events. I apologize for it being so on the nose. But the Kavanaugh thing got my dander up and after reading about Marie Antoinette's execution, my dander rose further. Haiku coming later. October 16, 1793, PARIS - The trial of the Widow Capet, … Continue reading Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit
Special Report: Wannabe Writer Begs For Cash
TAIPEI, TAIWAN - Kelsey Ehler, an ESL teacher and wannabe writer, is begging for cash through social media channels. Said Ehler, "I'm starting my new job soon, but it's going to be another month before I see my first paycheck. I tallied up my money, annnnd..." She took a deep breath and continued. "Yeah. Yeah. … Continue reading Special Report: Wannabe Writer Begs For Cash
Financial Tips for Entitled Millenial Snowflakes
Photo by George HH As is famously known and universally acknowledged, today's working youth - the so-called 'Millennials' - are a lazy, shiftless bunch more concerned with their precious fee-fees and getting their next hit of avocado toast than putting in a hard day's work. As such, many Millennials are experiencing what they call economic … Continue reading Financial Tips for Entitled Millenial Snowflakes
