Election 2020 Predictions

It's only 21 months until the 2020 US Presidential Election, and as we know, politics are ever stagnant and unchanging. Therefore, I can predict the outcome of the DNC primaries and the election itself with an accuracy that is unmatched. Abraham Lincoln will rise from the dead, come out of nowhere, and snag the nomination … Continue reading Election 2020 Predictions

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More Excellent Advice For Sleepless Mothers From a Childless Woman

It has been so very long since I've graced you lovely spawners of the next generation with my peerless advice. Please accept my apologies. I know every single thing I suggested must have worked flawlessly, but time has passed. Your babe has matured. New strategies are in order to outsmart them. Time to take it … Continue reading More Excellent Advice For Sleepless Mothers From a Childless Woman

Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart

This is prompted by a biography of actress Laura Keene I had to give up on midway through for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was that if it had an editor, they didn't do their damned job. This lead to such sentences as, "She literally claimed their hearts..." April 15, 1965, WASHINGTON … Continue reading Actress Keene Foils Lincoln Murder Plot, Claims Booth’s Heart

The Childless Woman’s Advice to Sleepless Mothers

As someone who is in her mid-thirties and has friends, I know a fair number of ladies who have spawned over the past couple of years. I also know a fair number of ladies who have suffered from sleep deprivation, but I repeat myself. Breathe easy. I'm here to help. Through years of research, subjected … Continue reading The Childless Woman’s Advice to Sleepless Mothers

BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math

1493, EUROPE - Christopher Columbus, the Portuguese sailor employed by Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain, has discovered a new continent west of Europe expecting to find India. He has also proved what philosophers have known for centuries - boy brains are just not built for math. Said a representative of John II of Portugal, "We've … Continue reading BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math

Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit

This is related to this week's haiku theme, but also to current events. I apologize for it being so on the nose. But the Kavanaugh thing got my dander up and after reading about Marie Antoinette's execution, my dander rose further. Haiku coming later. October 16, 1793, PARIS - The trial of the Widow Capet, … Continue reading Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit

Special Report: Wannabe Writer Begs For Cash

TAIPEI, TAIWAN - Kelsey Ehler, an ESL teacher and wannabe writer, is begging for cash through social media channels. Said Ehler, "I'm starting my new job soon, but it's going to be another month before I see my first paycheck. I tallied up my money, annnnd..." She took a deep breath and continued. "Yeah. Yeah. … Continue reading Special Report: Wannabe Writer Begs For Cash