Anne Boleyn Haiku

Can you believe her?

Couldn’t birth son, had a mouth.

Slice through little neck.

Today must be a short one, and so I cover someone known well enough that I can just give my opinion on her. My opinion: fuck you, Henry VIII.

Yep, the lack of a male heir was a major problem. And yeah, given the time? Given the country? Maybe that problem was worth all the trouble of annulling the marriage with Catherine of Aragon. (Politically speaking. Morally speaking, especially given how he handled it…)

But Catherine was given a couple of decades. Anne? Three years. That, paired with the fact that she had a brain on her shoulders and didn’t live to fulfill Henry’s every whim?

Yep, let’s just trump up some charges of adultery, witchcraft, and incest (yep, she was accused of schtupping her own brother) and chop her head off with a sword. Brilliant solution.

The facts of Anne Boleyn’s life, opinions, personality, actions, and even appearance have been so shrouded by centuries of chroniclers making shit up to suit their narrative that it’s hard to get a good sense of what she was actually like. But regardless, she didn’t deserve what she got.

If you’re wondering why I referenced her ‘little neck’ in the last line, it refers to a remark Anne made upon hearing about the quality of the French executioner that had been sent especially for her: “I have heard say that the executioner is very good, and I have a little neck.”

That’s some comfort, given how many beheadings were botched in those days. Her death was easy, even if nothing else was.

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3 thoughts on “Anne Boleyn Haiku

    1. Sure! I’ve done a few others, on some of the other wives, Henry’s sister, and the Mary Rose. I’ve also got a few about some later playwrights, and if you want to go earlier, some War of the Roses related stuff.


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