"Wow! Can't believe it! Totes p0wned abolitionist! Then everyone clapped." Once upon a time, I did whole week chronicling punchable faces in history. But of course, there are other historical faces in need of punching, so let's revisit that today! Rose O'Neal Greenhow was born in 1813ish in Maryland, the third of five daughters. Her … Continue reading Rose Greenhow Haiku
Month: October 2018
Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku
Smile, belle of South! Time will come when you'll help to Kick Hitler in teeth. Sometimes, when researching another subject for a haiku, you stumble upon an equally deserving badass. Such was the case with General Longstreet, as that led me to learn about his second wife, Helen Dortch. Dortch was born in Carnesville, Georgia … Continue reading Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku
James Longstreet Haiku
General ponders - "Slaves people? Lee fallible?" Southerners enraged. During the controversies over statues of Confederate generals, I couldn't help but be reminded of General James Longstreet. Why, you might ask? I'll explain. Longstreet was born in South Carolina in 1821. 'Longstreet' was actually an anglicized version of 'Langestraet', his ancestor having immigrated to New … Continue reading James Longstreet Haiku
BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math
1493, EUROPE - Christopher Columbus, the Portuguese sailor employed by Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain, has discovered a new continent west of Europe expecting to find India. He has also proved what philosophers have known for centuries - boy brains are just not built for math. Said a representative of John II of Portugal, "We've … Continue reading BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math
British North America Haiku
Oh, hey, USA. Freedom sounds really great, but... It's not us, it's you. You might recall that thirteen British North American colonies declared their independence from Great Britain in 1776. If you can count, you'll know that the number of colonies they held on the continent was a little more than that. Why didn't they … Continue reading British North America Haiku
John A Macdonald Haiku
Love him or hate him, One fact remains unchallenged: Dude needed a shrink. Ah, John A. Canada's first Prime Minister has been having some public image issues as of late, revolving around shitty policies towards First Nations folk, statues, and what have you. We are not delving into that quagmire today. I am just going … Continue reading John A Macdonald Haiku
Catherine Parr Haiku
For just one woman, Marrying the Bluff Harry Delayed the bullet. Ah, Catherine Parr. The last of Henry VIII's wives. A bluestocking before bluestockings were a thing. First English queen who was a published author. Pity she got screwed over by her last husband and True Love (TM), Thomas Seymour. Catherine was born in 1512, … Continue reading Catherine Parr Haiku
