Rose Greenhow Haiku

"Wow! Can't believe it! Totes p0wned abolitionist! Then everyone clapped." Once upon a time, I did whole week chronicling punchable faces in history. But of course, there are other historical faces in need of punching, so let's revisit that today! Rose O'Neal Greenhow was born in 1813ish in Maryland, the third of five daughters. Her … Continue reading Rose Greenhow Haiku

Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku

Smile, belle of South! Time will come when you'll help to Kick Hitler in teeth. Sometimes, when researching another subject for a haiku, you stumble upon an equally deserving badass. Such was the case with General Longstreet, as that led me to learn about his second wife, Helen Dortch. Dortch was born in Carnesville, Georgia … Continue reading Helen Dortch Longstreet Haiku

James Longstreet Haiku

General ponders - "Slaves people? Lee fallible?" Southerners enraged. During the controversies over statues of Confederate generals, I couldn't help but be reminded of General James Longstreet. Why, you might ask? I'll explain. Longstreet was born in South Carolina in 1821. 'Longstreet' was actually an anglicized version of 'Langestraet', his ancestor having immigrated to New … Continue reading James Longstreet Haiku

BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math

1493, EUROPE - Christopher Columbus, the Portuguese sailor employed by Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain, has discovered a new continent west of Europe expecting to find India. He has also proved what philosophers have known for centuries - boy brains are just not built for math. Said a representative of John II of Portugal, "We've … Continue reading BREAKING: Columbus ‘India’ Snafu Proves Boys Shit At Math

British North America Haiku

Oh, hey, USA. Freedom sounds really great, but... It's not us, it's you. You might recall that thirteen British North American colonies declared their independence from Great Britain in 1776. If you can count, you'll know that the number of colonies they held on the continent was a little more than that. Why didn't they … Continue reading British North America Haiku

(PSA) Would-be Millenial Writer Whines About How Things Are Hard

Flipping dead people. I've got a blog post to write! Stop being complex. I've every intention of completing Ehler's Choice Week, but Rommel is tripping me up. He's going to require a bit more thought, given the amount of historical controversy surrounding him. That's been a problem with the history haiku posts lately - they've … Continue reading (PSA) Would-be Millenial Writer Whines About How Things Are Hard