Diana Mitford Haiku

Class privilege is

Long life sans guilt even though

You’re a damned fascist.

Today’s subject for this installment of Punchable Faces Week brings us some female representation, as did you know? Women can be enormous dicks too! Thus, we shall discuss Diana Mitford, one of the five oh-so-glamorous Mitford sisters. She was also a fascist, married to Oswald Fucking Mosley, and chums with ol’ Adolf himself.

Diana was born in 1910. He family wasn’t what we’d call rich, but they were aristocratic. This came with certain perks, including being presented at court when they hit adulthood. Such was the case with Diana in 1928 and pretty much immediately, she got engaged to Bryan Walter Guinness. (Yes, as in the stout.) (Also, he was like, really rich.) They married, despite their parents’ uneasiness regarding their youth. Afterwards, they became known for their really great parties and Diana being so fucking beautiful, guys, you wouldn’t believe it. Two sons happened, they had an Evelyn Waugh novel dedicated to them, but…

“I want moooooore!”

‘More’, in this case, was represented by Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists. (A political party that so wanted to be Nazis, complete with anti-semitism. Later, they tried to be all like, “We’re not Nazis! In fact, we don’t like them at all!” But that sure as hell didn’t stop them from accepting their kind donations.) After meeting at a garden party, Diana decided he was so very dashing, and ditched her family for the D. Mosley stashed her at a place around the the corner from his. Did I mention that he was married too? Because he was.

Such matters would have stayed until the death of Mosley’s wife in 1933. Then, he… started banging his dead wife’s sister, while still carrying on with Diana. Her parents and sister were not okay with any of this, but ridiculously, they all came around. The only exception was little commie sister Jessica, whose thoughts were, “WTF, my sister’s fucking a fucking fascist,” and never spoke to her again.

Mosley and Diana, along with her littlest sister Unity, started making frequent trips to Germany, becoming fast pals with Hitler and his cronies. (Unity became such a Hitler fangirl that she stalked him, imitated him, and attempted suicide when war broke out. Hitler payed her hospital bills.) The two lovebirds finally tied the knot in the home of Joseph and Magda Goebbels, Hitler in attendance.

Then, war. The Mosleys were interned and they got better treatment than they warranted, as the Mitfords were cousins to Churchill’s wife. They enjoyed prison life together, later being upgraded to house arrest. She seems to have suffered from her experience not at all.

In fact, for decades after the war, until her death, Diana was completely unrepentant about her fascism, continuing to financially support so-aligned political parties. And regarding her relationship with Hitler? Her thoughts on Jews and the Holocaust? Waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle.

And way too many people just let that fucking shit slide, because she was beautiful and glamorous and witty.

Diana died in 2003, without ever seeming to have a care regarding her involvement in one of the most evil movements of modern history beyond, “lol.”

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