Dreaming of the day Where I'll be fully goddamned Rested for a change I'm still struggling to have a full night's sleep. Even on weekends, I can't seem to accomplish this. My eyes are heavy, my brains are mush. I'm going to have a cup of chamomile and attempt to have an early night. Will … Continue reading What is ‘Sleep’?
Month: September 2018
Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit
This is related to this week's haiku theme, but also to current events. I apologize for it being so on the nose. But the Kavanaugh thing got my dander up and after reading about Marie Antoinette's execution, my dander rose further. Haiku coming later. October 16, 1793, PARIS - The trial of the Widow Capet, … Continue reading Newly Made Widow Faces Accusations of Sexual Assault and Treason, Her Imminent Death, The Probable Death of Her Children; Doesn’t Throw a Goddamned Fit
Madame de Maintenon Haiku
Snag the Sun King's heart By being only one who's Allowed to talk back. (Sorry for the lack of haiku yesterday. I've caught a cold, again. Pro tip: don't be a teacher if you don't like germs.) Maybe today's entry for French Queens Week is a controversial pick, being more than a mistress but not … Continue reading Madame de Maintenon Haiku
How to Write History Books That Don’t Piss Me Off, Part the First
Did you know that I read more than just fantasy? Sometimes I read other kinds of books and they can irritate the shit out of me too! Like history books! So I say to authors of history and non-fiction as a whole: just because you're not writing fiction doesn't excuse you from basic literary competence. … Continue reading How to Write History Books That Don’t Piss Me Off, Part the First
Margaret of Provence Haiku
A true marriage means Supporting your husband with His bullshit crusades. Today's installment of French Queens Week is pretty much a continuation of yesterday's, so it might be a good idea to read up on Blanche of Castile before you proceed. But you do you. Margaret was born in 1221 to Ramon Berenguer IV (count … Continue reading Margaret of Provence Haiku
Blanche of Castile Haiku
Think of teenage boy. Would you let him rule all France? Mother best step in. Today on French Queens Week is kind of a two-parter, and you'll see why. This entry might also be shorter than usual because I'm so flippin tired. Blanche of Castile was born in 1188, the third daughter of Alfonso VIII … Continue reading Blanche of Castile Haiku
Mary Tudor Haiku
When made to marry Gross old king, reserve next pick, Create paper trail. Welcome to French Queens Week, because we have barely struck the gold mine of drama that is the French nobility. Although today's bit of drama is actually brought to you, once again, by the Tudors. And this particular Tudor was only queen … Continue reading Mary Tudor Haiku
Some Potential Inspiration for Fantasy Stories
It's my birthday and I can do whatever the hell I want. So today, I present to you all a short list of historical figures that would be great inspiration for fantasy characters. Peter the Fucking Great, the giant westernizing tsar whose only formal education was the 'School of Hard Knocks'. Who practiced dentistry on … Continue reading Some Potential Inspiration for Fantasy Stories
Elizabeth I Haiku
She ruled well, they say. But how, without husband's help? Clearly, penis lurked. We've had a few Saturdays without any nonsense and that must change. So to cap off Crossdresser Week, we're going to talk about the enormously stupid theory that ELIZABETH I WAS REALLY A DUDE IN DRESSES OMG. The theory goes like this: … Continue reading Elizabeth I Haiku
Empress Elizabeth of Russia Haiku
"Less executions, More totally sick parties." Enlightened policy. Today on Crossdresser Week, we return to Russia, where interesting shit happened all the time. But we're turning the clock back a couple centuries to focus on Elizabeth Petrovna, Empress of Russia and daughter of Peter the Great and Catherine I. Elizabeth was born in 1709, one … Continue reading Empress Elizabeth of Russia Haiku
Kelsey Ehler, AKA The Great Kelsini 