Britain Gifts ‘Definitely Not Haunted’ Franklin Expedition Ships to Canada, Inuit

Britain has officially gifted the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror, the recently rediscovered ships lost during the Franklin Expedition of 1845, to Canada and the Inuit, stating they were ‘definitely not haunted’ and there was ‘absolutely nothing to worry about.’

Said Susan le Jeune d’Allegeershecque, the British High Commissioner to Canada, during the ceremony at the Canadian Museum History: “It’s a gift, right? A gift. We’re certainly not trying to avoid the fell revenge of long-dead sailors sent off to an icy, agonizing death.”

“And we’re certainly not trying to avoid the specific curse of the dead man found by the Inuit on one of the ships way back then, whose restless spirit most assuredly isn’t haunting his final resting place. That would be ridiculous. (Did they find him on the Terror or the Erebus? We can never remember.)”

She added, “In fact, we’re insulted by any insinuation that Britain is trying to wriggle out of the consequences of our historical actions, especially if those consequences might be cannibalistic ice zombies.”

As cameras flashed, the Canadian representative accepted the gift with a trusting, puppy-like grin. The Inuit representative found a mountain to hide behind.
Susan le Jeune d’Allegeershecque smiled, the expression not quite meeting her eyes. “Good luck,” she was heard to murmur when she believed no one was watching.

Here is some context for you. I’m glad I’ll be in Taiwan while the Canadian Ice Zombie Apocalypse goes down.

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