Sorry this is so late in the day. It’s hard for me to concentrate on writing with any sort of noise, because I am a snowflake. Please enjoy this collection of tidbits from Eleheim’s self-declared leading newspaper.
I am writing to all the city’s newspapers with an appeal: please stop leaving your unwanted kittens by the Queen’s Knuckles. My employee, Mr. Dale, has taken to the species and is too soft-hearted to let any loose into the cold. We have no more room. Please stop! – Grace Baisby
Our correspondent in Moncrieff reports that the Athanean president, Mr. Smith, is expecting his first child with his new wife, Eglantine Bones, in five months’ time. Although we have the greatest respect for Smith’s conduct and character, we pray that the child takes after its mother in terms of appearance.
For a pep in your step and a song in your heart, Dr. Berinthius cordially invites the public to sample his patented Mila Bean Sparkling Mineral Water. Its positive health benefits can readily be witnessed within a month of diligent use. Cures lethargy, influenza, and other ailments. Try it today!
We have received a report that Roberts Catherson, son of Prime Minister Lark, has been promoted to the rank of Captain in the Fifth Northern Wendigo Hunters Brigade. Whatever our editor thinks of his mother, we hope that Captain Catherson meets with further advancement in his chosen, exceedingly dangerous, field.
Calling all pioneers! Olnaria Territory is in need of settlers ready to seek their fortune along the banks of the Landrell River. Approved applicants will receive a free spot of land and assistance during their first year. This development project enjoys the full support of the Bluehair and Skalata nations.
Captain Conroy of the NMS Heracla and her crew of 97 have set out to the northern seas in search of the King Expedition, which has been missing since 1079. We hope for happy tidings and the safe returns of all the brave sailors involved, increasingly unlikely thought that seems at writing.
After much debate on every particular, the Norland Parliament has adopted a Kilrady Hound puppy by the name of Prince Lilo. Prince Lilo is two months’ old, robust and energetic, and already well-loved by the assorted MPs and senators. Our correspondent held the puppy for five minutes and expresses approval.
We wish to remind Eleheim residents that the Autumn Festival will begin in a fortnight. Once again, the main events will take place in Queen Crisantha Park. The organizers are still in search of more singers for their Voice of Eleheim competition. Please do apply if you have any talent.
Melly Everett and Beardy Rosewater announce their engagement. Everett, who had quit her city employment to seek her fortune in the north, and Rosewater, a trader operating along the northern route, met when Rosewater rescued Everett from probable disembowelment at the claws of a greyback bear. We wish them happiness.
Whispers of war between Langpald and Shulmania continue apace and the editor of the Citizen, for one, does not much care. Let the old powers tear each other to pieces and leave us in Norland in peace. Shulmanian cuisine is overrated, in any case, and Langrish manners are unspeakably vile.
There you are. If you enjoyed it, please consider throwing a tip my way via PayPal or Patreon. Again, if there’s some little aspect of the world you want to know about, put it in a comment and I’ll see if I can’t write something about it. Cheers!