Lethbridge Harold Report: City Votes to Farm Out Responsibilities to Third-Party Contractors For ‘Pretty Much Everything’

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For a bit of context: a friend of mine, Kallie Desruisseaux, created a bit of a stir when she vocally protested against pro-life ads on public transit, which caught the attention of the CBC. When the city was called on its shit, it denied responsibility for the ads, as advertising on public transit is handled by a third-party contractor. But really, why stop there?

After disclaiming responsibility for controversial ‘Pro-Life’ ads displayed on public transit buses, citing that third-party contractors are responsible for approving such ads, Lethbridge City Council has voted to switch to third-party contractors for all its services.

“I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before,” said a councillor. “This has made our lives so much easier. Every time we receive a complaint? Bang, form letter, and we can forget it. Because it’s not our problem!”

Reactions among Lethbridge residents has been divided.

Self-described libertarian and landscaper Bill Barley is pleased with the move. “I’m against public libraries on principle, but ever since third-party contractors started running the place, I’ve come around. They’ve made it so much easier to get pornography, with no chance of viruses. So long as they’re not selling my data, right? They aren’t, are they?”

Warehouse manager Diane Dalhousie is less sanguine. “My house is literally on fire. I’ve tried to call 911, but the dispatcher told me he was busy catching up on ‘Game of Thrones’ and hung up. I went to the station myself, but all the firefighters have been replaced by adorable dalmatian puppies.”

After participating in a bucket chain, Dalhousie continued, “I tried to contact the city about this, but they say all emergency services are now handled by a third-party contractor and it’s not their problem. I guess that’s true, but my house!”

The Lethbridge Harold was unable to contact city council for further comment, as the third-party contractor in charge of communications have replaced all computers and telephones in city hall with sick flat-screen televisions.

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