Excerpt: Magical Girl Weekly (January 25, 2017) – Ask Taeyang-Unni!

Every week, this retired magical girl answers your most burning questions about this most romantic and brave of trades – without the guff!

Dear Taeyang-Unni,

In my civilian life, I’m what you call a ‘tough girl’. I’m the one at school who’s picked first in sports and scares the (redacted) out of the bullies. But when I’m off being magical girl… it’s embarrassing! All that pink and frills and lace and sparkles? Half the time, the bad guys are too busy laughing to fight me, the other half, they start patting me on the head and cooing at me! I just want to be taken seriously, you know? How do I fix this? My talking animal companion is no help at all, says everything is a necessary part of the costume. :/

  • Ticked-off in Tokyo

Dear Ticked-Off,

Hey, I get it! We’ve all got our self-images to maintain and sometimes, the magical girl thing can really interfere with that. And I’d like to say that you can easily ditch the pink. But I’ve got bad news and good news and first, the bad news: your talking animal companion is right. You can’t get out of the cute role, because it is necessary. But here’s the good news, such as it is: you can own it. Be the cutest, pinkest damned magical girl you can be and when they’ve got their guard down, give ‘em a solid smack between the eyes. If you’re really as tough as you say, I think you’ll give them a hell of a shock, which is an important part of any battle strategy.

Dear Taeyang-Unni

I can’t be the only one with this problem. Like most of us, my uniform is made of spandex. But I get these terrible wedgies every time! This definitely cuts back on my combat efficiency and honestly, has almost gotten me killed at least twice. What can I do? I tried getting that spray that gymnasts use, but… you know how all our belongings disappear when we transform? So does the spray. Even if I chuck it away from me first.

  • Uncomfortable in Ulsan

Dear Uncomfortable,

Oh yeah, that takes me back. These uniforms aren’t exactly made for comfort, are they? Although my problem was more with the high heels they had me fight in. The first thing that comes to mind is going commando, but we both know how short these skirts get. (The tactical advantages in flashing your enemies might be worth considering, but it really depends on what you’re comfortable with.) But here’s the thing: we’re not limited by our main magical attack move. Usually, this shows up with a one-off ability that we never hear about again, but talk to your talking animal companion about creating an anti-wedgie cantrip to use after every transformation. They’ll probably balk, but threaten to cut off their cat nip supply until they give in. You’ve got to play dirty sometimes.

That wraps it up for this week! Feel free to send in your own questions and in the meantime, stay shiny, star girls!

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